Today’s Gospel Story (Matthew 14:13-21) is Jesus feeding the large crowd with a few loaves and fish. The majority report sees this as a story of one of Jesus’ most well known miracles, which it is. Some also see it as a sort of preparation or prefiguring of what Jesus will do at the Last Supper. As usual, the minority report can be very different, though not contradictory, depending on our openness when we read it in the setting of what is going on at the time.
All the readings taken together can be seen as talking about compassion — being aware of other’s suffering and having a strong desire to help them, no matter what is going on in our life at the time. In the Gospel Story Jesus is filled with grief because he’s just learned his cousin, John the Baptist, was executed by Herod. He wants to go off by himself and deal with his grief, but he finds there are people looking for him, and his heart was moved with pity for them. He put aside his own grief and spent his time and energy taking care of the people. Many of us are blessed in our own life to know people like this who live the same way.
The Reading from Isaiah speaks of Yahweh, Abba, telling Israel to come to him and enjoy the many gifts he wants to give them without any cost. In our own lives if we have ever taken the chance to be open to Abba, we have some sense of what this all means, how real Abba is. In the reading from Romans Paul reminds us that nothing, no-one, can ever in any way separate us from Abba. This is especially profound when it comes to fear, something all of us are familiar with. Again, as we all know, fear is a terrible thing. Fear of the future, fear of the past, fear of the unknown, fear of a loss of control in our life, often too at a certain age, is the fear of dementia.
In the Gospel Story, while Jesus is teaching the crowd, his disciples realize the people are hungry, and encourage Jesus to let the crowds go where they can buy food for themselves. Jesus tells them to take care of the matter themselves. They reply, “Five loaves and two fish are all we have here”. Jesus tells them, “Bring them here to me”. The rest is history. Seems like “Abba, I am aware of an OPORD (operations order) here”. We identify a problem of some sort, take it in prayer to Abba asking him to fix whatever it is and offer him our suggestions. Instead of answering our prayer as we want, often he tells us, do it ourself, and “We got this”, and works with us. This often becomes for us a way of life. Something along the lines of this is my situation and I’m asking you to fix it this way. Abba responds, always does in some way, “I’ll get involved but through you”. This can be a terrifying thought. We all know difficult situations in our life, both our own and those of others.
There are no accidents. Everything in and around our life somehow involves our compassionate Abba. When we choose to believe this, as difficult as it is at times, it becomes a way of life for us. The readings suggest a worthwhile gift to pray for is a heart that is wise and understanding, humble, and compassionate. This is not something we can do of or by ourselves. The fact that we even think along these lines shows that Abba is reaching out to us in our circumstances, whatever they may be. From time to time we may realize how real this “we got this” is as we go through our day. Abba stops being an idea or dogma of some sort and becomes a lived experience with varying degrees of awareness, but very real.
A wise and understanding heart leads us to be aware of our surroundings, accept people and situations as they are, ask Abba for the wisdom or insight to how he sees and knows them. A humble heart helps us know that, no matter how good hearted and well-meaning we think we are, we don’t have all the answers. Like the disciples in the Gospel Story, we present the problem to Abba as we see it, and follow his lead, “we got this”. A compassionate heart really leads us to unexpected, maybe even unwanted, places and situations, and relationships. As Jesus did in the Story, we often find ourselves laying aside our own fears, doubts, and worries (at times a really difficult thing to do) and just deal with a situation through our own gifts and limitations, including whatever doubts and worries we have.
This can put us in mind of the Welcome Prayer way of living. It involves, in imitation of Jesus, laying aside our own needs, doing our best to let go of our fear and respond to the grace, the Sacrament of the present moment, in whatever we are aware of at any time. As difficult as it may be at any moment, we are consenting freely to let go of our need to have a sense of control. The sense of peace and grace that come along with all this is a miracle in itself. We can’t make this happen, but we can consent, and do whatever it is grace is asking us to do.
“They all ate and were satisfied, and they picked up the fragments left over— twelve wicker baskets full.” From time to time we may be aware that the situations that we fear most are in their own way the most amazing as they go beyond anything we could imagine by ourselves. Often they reflect the reading from Isaiah, “Come to me heedfully, listen, that you may have life”. As we do our best in all this, grace, Abba being involved in our living, becomes very real, always in ways that are surprising, to say the least. This reflects our own journey of conversion and growth as we move towards saying “yes” to everything and everyone in our every day living because we are coming not to believe, but to know, that it is all somehow of our compassionate Abba, who is asking, not telling or commanding, us to partner with him in something that needs the gifts he is giving us. In my own case, the thing I have most difficulty letting go of is my terror at what is before me. I can make all kinds of excuses not to do whatever it is that’s in front of me. There’s nothing theoretical about it. It’s all real. “We got this.” Just sayin . . .