Today’s Gospel Story (Matthew 25:14-30) is the Parable of the Talents, where a master gives his servants talents. When he returns he learns two servants had invested their talents, while the third had just buried his. The majority report sees this as a reminder to use the talents God has given us, and also to be ready when God comes for us. As usual the minority report is as personal as I let it.
The Alleluia Verse offers some insight to the Story: “Remain in me as I remain in you, says the Lord. Whoever remains in me bears much fruit”. We process the scripture stories through the filter of what is going on in our life at the time we hear or read them. What is going on in my mind as I hear the Parable of the Talents is that 3 years ago today I had my HAC (Heart Attack in the Car) in the parking lot of the senior residence where I live. It was a life-changing experience, and certainly relates to the Parable. On a pretty cold 6AM Wednesday I was walking out to my car to drive to, ironically, cardiac rehab, when it hit. It felt like a buzz saw chewing on my chest bone. I knew it would be easier to get in the car than go back upstairs to my apartment, so that’s what I did. While I was opening the tube to get a nitro pill I’m sitting there thinking “So this is how it ends”, to which I felt a really powerful and positive blast, “No, this is how it begins”. A wonderfully indescribable sense of peace and calm happened, along with a feeling of oneness and good, even joy of some sort, also indescribable. There was absolutely no fear, just “yes, OK”. To sum it up, “WOW!”. Really, there are no words. I don’t know how long it was until I “woke up” and popped the nitro. It never occurred to me to not take the nitro. Of course, in a matter of minutes the chest pain went away. I got a ride to the ER. It really was a powerful life changing beginning to a whole new phase of my journey. The medical staffs kept asking why I was so up beat and, in their words, content. I knew I was seeing everything in a whole new way from a whole new perspective, and this is still happening today, 3 years later, an ongoing learning experience that is not always easy, but definitely encouraging, and very real.
To me this whole experience reflects the talents given by the master in the Parable. It is a talent that Abba has given me that I think, hope, I am still investing. I notice subtle changes that are still happening, and seem to go right back to the HAC, like letting go, accepting and saying yes to what is, recognizing Abba happening. It is not a matter of when the Lord will come again, because he is already here — he is in me and I am in him, as he is for all of us. “Remain in me as I remain in you, says the Lord. Whoever remains in me bears much fruit”. It seems to be a matter of attention on our part. With the HAC, Abba certainly got my attention. I’m still “processing” everything that happened back then and the days following.
Abba is much more than a doctrine to believe in. Abba is not some sort of a super person out there somewhere watching, but an ongoing everyday experience happening in and through the people around me, the folks I know and the folks I don’t know, with an increasing importance of being open to folks as they are. My journey of faith has a lot to do with simple walking, carrying nitro, slowing down, accepting and adjusting to a new normal which involves dealing with the increasingly frequent twinges, enjoying my handicap parking sticker, as well as a deepening desire for quiet, silence, and privacy. My values develop, and my faith deepens. Because of this I believe the next step is to something good. I have no idea what that means, although I experienced some of it in the HAC. And that’s OK. I wouldn’t have it any other way. People are important, grace is real, the two are only as far apart as I keep them.
I am most grateful for this whole experience. It has been and still is, a talent as in the Parable, a gift. The peace that happened in my car that morning is still with me, though not at the same level of intensity. It is evermore clear to me that Abba is a verb. There are no words to describe how awesome all this is. I read somewhere that Abba is real, but everything we believe about Abba is made up as we try to understand Abba in human terms. Rohr: “All language about God is symbolic and figurative . . . all language is metaphorical. Words are never the thing itself; they can only point toward the thing.” I agree, fully aware that this will annoy folks. To me Abba is an experience that I can’t describe, not just an idea. There’s no way to talk about Abba that comes even close to Abba, and it seems the closest I can come are the basic dogmas, which in a way kinda describe my experience. I am most grateful to Abba for giving me this “talent”. I hope I have been “investing” it in the way Abba intended. One of the great gifts on this journey has been the Welcome Prayer, which, in my mind, goes right back to the HAC. I am grateful for the peace in my life, and wouldn’t change a thing. Just sayin . . .