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A beautiful quiet morning, the deer, the birds, the trees beginning to change their color, the flag on my balcony, sirens in the air, as life goes on around and in me. Words do not really get to the meat of all this. To me God is real, but everything we believe about God is made up to help us get some kind of a hint to what is.
The rich man in the Story kept all the rules, but Jesus told him there is more. Perhaps he is telling me to look at my own life, not at other folks lives, and let go of my attachment that I know how other folks should live. I preach about the ongoing need for being open to the Spirit and ongoing conversion, but do I live that way myself? I’m not sure that I do.
Then there is the whole situation with the poor people among us, the migrants, homeless, etc. I don’t know what I am being called to do here. There must be something more than just giving money.
The notion of being saved is not something that only happens after we die. It happens in our life here and now as we make our choices grow towards, or away from, the good in which and for which we are continually created. In the providence of God we are growing and evolving creatures, not fallen and sinful creatures, each on our journey with all who are in our life. We are necessary to each other, and so have responsibilities to each other, something that can be hard to face and deal with, and certainly is not convenient.
This whole idea of being open to the Spirit that I talk about so much is not easy. Sometimes it’s just effin hard. Not knowing, doubting, questioning, etc are important and even necessary, but no simple thing. I’m glad I had my army experience, and also that the Eckhardt book popped up at this particular time, and that the generals I sent it to feel the same way.
“An Unknowing That Makes Room —
I often think it is my work
to find You, and in thetangle of my life I stumble
into brambles of doubtand pits of uncertainties
and wonder where Youare hiding, and then I
remember: You seekand I am found.”
Life really is good — not easy, but good.
While this passage is usually understood as Jesus talking about attitudes towards money, could it be that, in what is going on in my life these days, he is asking me to look at my life to see if there is anything I am holding on to that is keeping me from being open to the Spirit and from growing? Perhaps ideas, ways of thinking, hidden agenda, programs running deep in me and behind the scenes? Jesus said he would send the Spirit to remind us of what he taught us. Is the Spirit reminding me of something I don’t want to hear?
With a number of things going on in y life this past week, I’m reminded again of the important distinction between studying the Scriptures, and praying the Scriptures. Both are important. In a sense, and with the risk of oversimplifying, studying the Scriptures is a matter of thinking, while praying the Scriptures is more a matter of wondering. Studying them points to a set of documents and rules, while praying them becomes a matter of insight to our own personal experience.
Jesus told his followers that “I will be with you always, even to the end of time”, and “I will send the Spirit to remind you of what I taught you”. In other words the Spirit, when we consent and are open to it, teaches us in the setting of our own life at any given time, what it means for us to live as a disciple of Jesus. This is not an exercise in logic or a process of thinking, but a stance of being open to infinite possibility, a realization that we don’t have all the answers, above all, it seems, a willingness to be surprised.
There is in some versions of Christianity a long tradition of what is called “lectio divina”, or divine or spiritual reading. It is a simple practice of reading a particular passage slowly and prayerfully several times. While we might be familiar with the passage, we don’t read it having already decided what it means, but being open to whatever the Spirit might put into our heads. In a sense this can be unsettling because we don’t want to give up control. From time to time we might come to realize that our need to maintain a sense of control is what is keeping us from from really being open to the Spirit and growing. This can be a real stumbling block for some folks, and I speak from my own experience.
An example from this Sunday’s reading might help. Traditionally it is seen as the basis for theRC’s position against divorce and remarriage. But, it can also be seen as Jesus defending the rights of women. In his time women had no rights. Men could divorce wives without any reason. Jesus is asserting that women are equal to men both in rights and responsibilities. The two understandings of the story are not mutually exclusive.
We also learn that there are always more than one way to understand a given Scripture in our own lives. The Spirit speaks to us in the setting of our own lives, our own stories, our own journeys. All this happens in real life as it is, not as we wish it were, or as others tell us it should be.
Steve, thanks for the kind words. What I wrote was one example of how to see the Gospel saying something to me in real life setting.
Along the lines of the above:
Breaking Through
Too often I decide what my life should be and whether there is room in it for You while You sit in a deeper place within me, wondering what it will take for me to make more of all the things in my life—the good and the bad—and so learn to break through to find You in all that is and let You take form in me in all that I was and am and will be.”
Moister EckhartAmong other things in this Story Jesus is telling his followers that he is not like a cop who is enforcing rules and looking for violators. He is not running an exclusive club that is open only to folks who keep all the rules and use only the approved language. He is interested in teaching and healing, and this is what he wants his followers to do too.
If I am serious about really doing my best to follow Jesus in my life, the Story is reminding me to continually look at my motives and goals. Is what I do about Jesus and his folks, or is it really about me and my comfort? Am I open to the Spirit reminding me of what Jesus is teaching me about being his disciple, perhaps in the process learning things about myself that I don’t want to know? How much do I judge others as to whether they are “orthodox”, or agree with me and think as I think they should? How much is about me, and how much is about the Spirit? Am I willing to learn, am I still wrapped up in the comfort and security of answers? Do I practice what I preach?
With three separate, distinct, and greatly different communities I am celebrating Eucharist with this weekend, how open am I really to letting the Spirit guide me perhaps indirections I can’t fathom now, since I can’t seem to organize any thoughts for the homilies? Am I interested in learning along with the folks, or is my focus on being a character, on standing out as different, or being unusual? I just don’t know.
Then, also, there is the request from a former student of a long time ago, to spend some time together tomorrow evening. I just don’t want to do it, and I gave a lame excuse about being worn out after masses, which is true, but a cop out. That was then, this is now. She is a combat vet, so my role as chaplain is to see her.
But I just don’t want to.Not sure where to go with all this. I’ll just stop now and go get a flu shot at the VA.
Just came across these this morning from Meister Eckhart:
A Soul Digests —
Each of us has a soul
made to grasp the One
who made every one,
body and soul.
Slowly and deliberately,
as bodies digest, the soul’s powers
move and nourish us.
As the body grows, the soul’s powers
grow inside us.
As my eyes learn to see,
in light and all detail, the soul
finds its power to think and see.The Way Love Is —
You are love in everything
that is, and it belongs tothe perfection of Your greatness
that not even my nothingnessis far from You, for You
meet me in my imperfectionand You act on me not from
the distance of my failingsbut from the presence
of Your perfection whichis the way love is.
In the Story Jesus is trying to get his disciples to understand that following him is not a matter of prestige or power, but one of openness and compassion, of being with folks in their difficult times, of knowing God in our own lives so we can help folks be aware of God in their lives.The openness is to the Spirit who continuously offers us insight to what it means for us to love as Jesus’ followers in our lives here and now.
Pope Francis is trying to move the church in the direction of being pastoral instead of law enforcement, and he is getting a lot of push back from bishops in the United States. The role of any who would be Jesus’ followers is to walk with folks as they make their difficult decisions, not beat them up with the rule book. He is not changing doctrine, but moving the Church to pastoral accompaniment.
Following Jesus is not an exclusive club. Jesus spent time with any who came to him, and helped them see God loving them in their life. As happens today, some folks just could not accept this. As it was with Jesus, the Holy Spirit has no boundaries or limits.
As we go through life we are constantly changing how we see things, adjusting to our reality whatever it is. Yet many of us still hold on to the idea of God being a judge and punisher that we learned as children. Trusting in the Spirit is frightening to some.
Sherri, what you wrote above and the way you wrote it is a good argument for women giving homilies and being ordained. No male could have discerned your insight or said it with the wisdom and class that you did.
“Too often I decide what my
life should be and whetherthere is room in it for You
while You sit in a deeperplace within me, wondering
what it will take for me tomake more of all the things
in my life — the good andthe bad — and so learn to
break through to find Youin all that is and let You
take form in me in all thatI was and am and will be.”
Paraphrase of Meister Eckhart, 13 cent German Mystic.
It is worthwhile to ask ourselves what/who Jesus is for us in our everyday life.
When Jesus asks who people say that he is, he gets the standard common responses of doctrines. When he asks Peter “who do you say that I am”, Peter answers from his own experience. There is the difference between what we know from others, and what we know from our own experience, the difference between knowing about Jesus, and knowing Jesus.
What we know from others has Jesus tied up in a series of questions and answers, nicely and specifically worded dogmas, and approved titles and names. What we know from our own experience often is tentative, hesitant, doubting, questioning, wondering, but very real nonetheless. Often the best we way can talk about what we know from experience is to use the wording of the dogmas, but also adding “yes, but”, there is more that can’t be put into words.
We can’t come to know Jesus by thinking or logic, because Jesus is not a concept or idea, but a real experience, something like when his followers encountered him after the Resurrection. Many folks don’t get beyond Jesus as a concept or idea.
As we come to know Jesus more and more personally in our experience, perhaps the simplest and truest response is awe.
Sherri, you show a great depth of wisdom and experience. You mention people not having an intimate relationship with God, which you certainly do. You also mention “thinking (that) is way far off from what most people believe”. What you write is indeed that, but it is also your experience, and nobody can argue with it.
Jesus talks about taking up our cross and following him. Having your own experience of God can be a cross, especially when it does not square with what others expect, or when it calls us to take some sort of action or position that others don’t like. The sense of being lead can be difficult, as is the doubting. questioning, and searching that goes along with it.
This is a paraphrase of Meister Eckhart, a 12th century German mystic. With all that is going on it seems especially appropriate these days.
“Ours is not the work
of seeking You here
or there where wethink you might be,
but of opening the heart’s door,and when we do this
You cannot resist
coming in, sinceour opening and Your
entering are one: You
knock and wait, andwhen we open we
find that You were
there all along and
will not leave us.”And of Hafiz, a 14th century Persian mystic:
“I wish I could show you,
When you are lonely or in darkness,
The Astonishing Light
Of your own Being!”How would any of these play on the Teen Renewal page? IMHO there is a need for hope there, and maybe peace.
