Some thoughts on my 60th anniversary of ordination. When I was ordained on May 21 1966, I was definitely excited. I was going to save the world. I had absolutely no idea that in 3 years I would be in the Army, and in four years I would be in Viet Nam. I think I grew as a priest while in the Army, especially in Viet Nam and the Cold War, definitely a steep learning curve. A lot different from civilian parish life and relationships. My time on Active Duty in the Army has definitely impacted my service as a priest, something for which I am most grateful.
In my first parish assignment I got involved with kids and the youth program. The local hight school was Valley Forge. In October of 68 I was doing a memorial service at the school for former students who had been killed in Viet Nam. Halfway through it I realized I did not know what I was talking about. After the ceremony I drove out onto Bishop Issenmann’s house, knocked at the door, and said, “Bishop, I have to go into the Army”. He invited me in and we talked. He agreed and told me to begin the process. I was commissioned on May 23 1969.
Two war stories. to oversimplify, e were sitting on a hill waiting for the helicopters to take us into a dangerous area. A young soldier asked me to hear his confession. In my naiveté I heard him say something that gave me difficulty. All of the sudden it was as if Jesus was standing there with him and he said to me, “Who are you to decide who I will forgive?”. I heard his confession and many others. It was a busy afternoon.
A week before Christmas 1970 I was in the field with a platoon of soldiers when three of them asked me to help them with assignment orders. They were being assigned to be security for a 2 man sniper team, and for good reasons, didn’t want to do it. I told them it was a personnel issue and wasn’t my concern. Christmas Eve morning when I was trying to put together homilies for the Christmas masses, I got a call to go out on a body recovery mission. We got there, and found 5 KIAs — the sniper team and the three soldiers. I did what I had to do. That afternoon I went to the Colonel’s office and told him I felt responsible for the incident. When he asked why I didn’t do something, I said because it was a personnel matter and didn’t concern me. He then told me, “Chaplain, anything that affects your people in any way is your concern, and done’t you ever forget it”. I haven’t, and this has annoyed people.
I left Active Duty in 77 with tremendous Viet Nam related anger issues. These two significant events that have impacted how I see my role as a priest. Both have caused a number of difficult situations over the years. Also, on my return from Viet Nam I was publicly called “Baby Killer”, even by other priests, and during some liturgies, something it has been very hard to let 2go of. I have heard it again since I retired. Another lesson learned, I think, is don’t tell people what I’m doing, what I did, or what I’m going to do. If I’m doing my job well the people who need to know will know, and it’s not important who get’s the credit. Also, help, don’t judge, the person in front of me asking for help. Be with them where they are.
Then, out of the blue, 1991, while I was making the 19th Annotation of the Ignation Exercises, I was having real difficulty with the giving the Lord my whole will. Finally on a Tuesday I was able to kneel and intentionally say the Suscipe Prayer, where, as part of the Exercises, I give my will to God. The next morning after mass, I got a phonecall: “Secretary Cheney wants you back on Active Duty now. Talk to your bishop and get back to us today”. Three weeks later I was back on Active Duty at Fort Knox. I served till 2010, mainly in Europe and US.
Over the last 60 years one thing becoming increasingly real is that Abba is not “out there somewhere”, but right here with and in me, as I am in him, and this is true for all of us. It takes a lot of letting go to realize this, but it is worth the effort. God really is a verb. Some are offended by this notion. I am not. It has become an ongoing experience. The Spirit is real, showing us how to live as Jesus’ Disciples in our own circumstances. Over the years, especially since retiring, writing about the Sunday Gospels, and a few other topics, has become an important part of my life. At times it gets pretty personal, something I am not all that comfortable with, but it seems to help some people while annoying others. Sometimes I wonder why I do it, because I’m a private person. But I just keep on doing it, and sometimes I can’t not do it. The ones I think are the worst writings generate the most profound responses. I don’t understand it, I just do it.
I think, perhaps hope, that the events described above have had a positive impact on my life as a priest. I realize I look down the alley with my own set of lights, that I see things differently from other priests, but I am doing my best, and hope to continue doing my best as long as I can. In all honesty, I am really looking forward to my next PCS (Permanent Change of Station). The frequent reminders keep me alert and aware. Just saying . . .