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In today’s Gospel Story (Mk 10:46-52) Jesus gives sight to Bartimeus, a blind man. In the Story many people rebuked Bartimeus for trying to get help from Jesus. And then, after Jesus told them to stop keeping the man away, “they called the blind man, saying to him, Take courage; get up, Jesus is calling you.” With all that is going on in our world today we need more of this “take courage, Jesus is calling you”, welcoming approach in our own lives now. I see this from two perspectives: helping others, and my current medical situation.

I certainly do not have the right to decide who can or can’t approach Jesus for healing, forgiveness, or anything. I’m thinking back to a young soldier on a hill in Viet Nam who, in the process of asking for Confession, and along with Jesus, taught me this lesson very forcefully, something for which I am eternally grateful. This experience definitely rearranged much of my life. Not just as a priest, but also as a baptized Christian, my role is to live in a way that says to everybody I meet, “Take courage; get up, Jesus is calling you.” How well I actually do this is a good question.  

Then there is Bartimeus, the blind man, who tells Jesus, ”Master, I want to see.” Jesus responds, “Go your way; your faith has saved you.” And “Immediately he received his sight and followed him on the way”. There is no doubt that my experience on the hill in Viet Nam taught me to see a lot of life in a much different way, and I’m still learning this lesson today. This faith is not believing about Jesus, but believing in Jesus such that I see Jesus doing a lot in and around me, and base my life and choices on it. When I say to Abba “I want to see”, just what do I mean. Have I already decided what I want to see, and if I don’t see it will feel disappointed in some sense? Am I willing to accept, even welcome, what Abba gives me the grace to see, if it’s not what I would like? 

One of the things the hill experience taught me was a sense of freedom in doing what I think is appropriate in a given situation, even though I am the only one who thinks that way. I have done this many times in trying to help people. A few times it has blown up in my face. Usually though, it has very quietly helped folks in difficult spots. Rules can get in the way of helping folks. I don’t have the right to tell folks they cannot approach Jesus unless they change somehow. Thinking back to patrols, I’ve walked in, and flown into, dangerous places with wonderful guys, and sometimes it has been “messy”, with a whole range of feelings and memories. I learned to help and be helped, to do what I had to do at the time, and that it is ok to be terrified, all very practical things. I don’t regret any of it.

These days I notice a certain indifference in myself when it comes to getting what I think I want. This includes options for various medical treatments, medicines, and interventions. I’ll go through the processes as, if, and when they present themselves, without having any strong preference for what they do or don’t do, or even if they happen or don’t happen. With this indifference I have a peace that keeps deepening. The best part of it all is that I’m meeting wonderful folks I would not have met otherwise. People are trying to help me, and I appreciate what they’re doing, so I’ll take it all seriously, while not being invested in the results. I’m really enjoying this part of my life. It’s kind of an adventure, a bit like walking a patrol, or flying in a combat assault, but a whole lot safer and without the smells and noises. 

I hear the words, “Take courage, get up, Jesus is calling you” in my own life. I feel in a sense blind, like Bartimeus, and I’m fine with it. I used to think I knew what Jesus was calling me to, and I was always frustratingly wrong. Now I don’t think that way. I accept that I have no idea what or where Jesus is calling me to, and I don’t feel a need to know. I hope to just keep walking, step by step, deal with the surprises that are happening every day, and go where this takes me.  

I have no idea why I am writing this now. This morning when I sat down with my laptop I thought I would write in a whole different direction and about different things, but this is what is coming out of the keyboard. The young soldier is still teaching me. I wish I could thank him. Guess it’s one of today’s neat surprises. Maybe somebody needs to hear something.

The Gospel Story is not just about something that happened two thousand years ago. It offers insight into what is going on in my life now, today, if I want to see it. Can I accept my own blindness? Can I see myself telling some folks, mainly the ones I really don’t care for all that much, to quit bothering Jesus, bothering me? Conversely, can I see myself telling those same folks to “Take courage, Jesus is calling you” and letting them into my life? Can I see myself with my own blindness, asking “Master, I want to see”, and then really see in and around me what I might not want to see? Can I look at all this as a marvelous experience of growth and wholeheartedly go with it wherever it takes me? I would hope so. I’m really enjoying this time of my life, and I don’t recall ever having this joy and freedom, and peace, ever before. Maybe I’m realigning priorities and letting go of a lot, and this is fine by me. Wouldn’t change a thing. Just sayin .  .