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Today’s Gospel Story (John 21:1-19) is Jesus telling some disciples how to fish, and then having a private conversation with Peter. For the majority report this is another story about Jesus showing his disciples that he really had risen from the dead. Also for many it also serves as an example of Jesus making Peter the head of his church.

The minority report can say many things to many people. The disciples have been fishing all night but caught nothing. Jesus, even before they recognize him, tells them to lower their nets on the right side of the boat, and they would catch something, which they do. Could he be telling me, even before I recognize him in a given situation, when my way of doing things is not working, that I should try a different way of whatever I am doing, and there will be better results? What might that different way be? This has happened many times in my life, and I suspect I’m not alone here. Perhaps with some of the stuff going on, it is happening again. 

In the past I have mostly recognized Jesus only in retrospect. Maybe he is telling me now to do something different and not be so invested in my own ways of doing things, to accept people as they are and maybe forgive them for not being who I want them to be. This feels like it might involve some very personal and particular situations or persons, even though at this stage I have no idea who they are. I don’t think it is a generality. It is good to have the sense that I am part of Someone much bigger than I and whatever is going on, and work to be open to however this Someone is happening. It is worthwhile in every situation to ask, “Abba, what are you saying something to me in this?”. Can I decide ahead of time what I will or will not do? Am I ahead of time sayin no to Abba in spite of what I preach? It’s pretty clear that I am. Now, what to do about it? How do I throw my nets over the right side? I’m still learning I don’t have to control everything even though I keep trying, and that getting my own way is overrated. There is a lot going on here, and it is not just far away, some of it is very close at hand. Perhaps my insisting on getting my own way is part of the problem. I don’t have to have answers, but keep on with the questions.  

In the catholic version of christianity we do not try to understand so we can believe, we believe first and then look to understand, which may or may not happen. Jesus doesn’t call me to know, but to trust and go where this takes me. I believe every thing that happens is somehow of Abba. I cannot explain it, but I fully believe it, a matter of believing in, not believing about. This is the ideal, and sometimes it is very difficult. With all that is going on these days it is hard to believe that Abba is in any way involved. If I choose to believe that Abba happening only in the people who agree with me in any situation, I would also believe that Abba is not in the people who are not doing what I want. I am digging myself a pretty deep hole. I don’t have many answers, but I do have a lot of questions.  Rarely are there answers, but occasionally insights happen .

Then the story switches to Peter and Jesus talking alone. Three times Jesus asks Peter, “Do you love me?”. Each time Peter says “yes”, and Jesus tells him, “feed my sheep”. Perhaps this might mean that whatever my relationship is with Jesus, with Abba, while it is personal, it is by no means ever private. If it is real and authentic, it includes everybody who is in my life, whether I like them or not. Just notice what I notice, and keep trying. This is not something I can do by myself. I need to be open to Abba in everything always. It is not easy in any sense. A real help here is what is called the Welcoming Prayer: “With the help of your grace, I welcome everything that is coming into my life today because it is of you”. This is a lot easier to pray or talk about than it is to do. It is an ongoing journey that at times seems to make no sense at all, but is very real. I recognize that I am on my journey, but can I recognize that everybody else is also on their journey? I have my down days, so can I recognize everybody else has their down days too? Can I let go of my expectations and just be open to Abba in and with them on their down days?

Pope Francis wanted the church to be a listening church, a church that reaches out to people everywhere, especially on the peripheries, that accepts people as they are and walks with everyone, a field hospital after a battle where a person’s wounds are cared for and deal with cholesterol later. As a member of the church I am called to be the same. It is easier to point fingers at others, to blame others for not acting as I think they ought to, than to look at myself, and perhaps recognize how I am contributing to the problems. Then there is this: Jesus says to Peter, “I say to you, when you were younger, you used to dress yourself and go where you wanted; but when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go”. Most of us know this as a function of aging, or maybe health. In my own life the best times, rarely the easiest, have been when I was sent where I didn’t want to go, and had to do something I didn’t want to do, or in a relationship or situation where I just didn’t want. It has been a journey of looking to recognize Jesus in unexpected places, situations, people, with varying degrees of success. Thanks to Alexa, “Shallow” and “Till it happens to you” by Lady Gaga are playing in the background. In the setting of all this, they make sense that they haven’t before, 

This week I’m planning to travel and spend some good time with wonderful folks who were most welcoming to me a few years ago when I had a heart attack while visiting them. May I be open to Abba and live his love and compassion, and my deep appreciation and gratitude,  for all of them, especially Dr Moxie. Just sayin .  .  .