In today’s Gospel Story for the Feast of Saints Peter and Paul (Matthew 16:13-19) Jesus asks his disciples, “Who do people say that the Son of Man is?”. They respond with what we might call catechism textbook answers. When he asks them, “But who do you say that I am?”, Peter answers, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.” And Jesus says, “flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my heavenly Father”. He goes on to say he will build his church on Peter. The majority report sees this passage as a “proof” that Jesus made Peter the first Pope.
The minority report, what the Story says to us as we pray it in our individual circumstances, does not contradict any of this, but adds a perspective which may be quite different depending on our story and our journey at the time we read or hear it. When we let them, the Gospels speak to us very specifically as we pray them in our everyday living. Also, there is a difference between studying the Scriptures and praying the Scriptures. There is an ancient practice called Lectio Divina, or Spiritual Reading, that moves beyond an intellectual understanding of the Scriptures to a personal and spiritual one. It involves reading a scripture passage slowly, prayerfully, calmly, and often more than once, and then going where this takes us, which is often to an attitude of prayer. One nice thing about modern cell phones is that we always have the Scriptures at hand if we want to read them, always open to surprise.
Jesus tells Peter, “flesh and blood has not revealed this to you”. Many of us have heard “about” Jesus from our earliest days. And even today if we were to be asked who Jesus is for us we probably would reply with standard catechism answers like, Redeemer, Savior, Son of God, etc, all of which are true, but usually don’t have much impact on how we live every day.
But when we have begun to encounter Jesus in prayer we come to realize that there is a great difference between knowing about Jesus and knowing Jesus directly and personally. Jesus becomes an experience that we cannot put into words, and as we pray and “go deeper”, we find that the best way to describe our experience is the words of our dogmas and doctrines. And so they stop just being something we have to believe, and instead are descriptions of our own experience, and things change a lot.
We cannot even begin to approach Abba by studying and intellectual exercise, as important as these are. We don’t have ideas or concepts that can even come close to the reality of Abba, of Jesus, of the Spirit. Our ideas of Abba, as good as they may be for us, are finite, while everything about Abba is infinite. It is not a matter of the intellect and study, but a matter of the heart where we know by experience. Abba is not an object to be studied, but a relationship to be lived. We know the relationship is there, since for us it becomes very real, but we have no way of talking about it, except through a deeper insight into our dogmas and doctrines as they take on very personal implications. This can happen also without any religious reference in people’s lives at all, as is the case with many who live the Gospel values without any reference to the Gospel in their life.
This can be disturbing to people who have been raised to be so focused on the dogmas and doctrines that they don’t let themselves look to where these point. This is okay. There is no way I can understand someone else’s journey. I have trouble understanding my own. The most I can do at any time is let go of my need to know and control every thing around me. Abba is with us in whatever way we need him, and wherever we are in our story and on our journey. There is no one way for everybody all the time everywhere, since we are in different places in many ways. Teilhard de Chardin, SJ, says, “Above all, trust in the slow work of God . . . Give Our Lord the benefit of believing that his hand is leading you, and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself in suspense and incomplete”. We are always growing, if we let ourselves leave our safe places. Abba speaks to us in everything that is around us and in us, even if it makes no sense to us. As things progress it is becoming clearer that knowing what I want to know and having a sense of security and control is much overrated. Believing does not mean having all the answers, but trusting that Abba in involved in it all somehow.
When I was serving in a parish in the Dominican Republic there was a situation with weddings that I didn’t understand and was having problems with. The wise pastor told me, “this is not America, please don’t judge us, just accept us and love us”. There is something to this. As Teilhard said, believing Abba is leading me is an act of faith and trust in Abba, and the anxiety of feeling myself in suspense and incomplete is real. “The slow work of God.” The Abba I know today is not the Abba I knew yesterday, or 60 years ago when I was ordained. A lot changed with my heart attack in the car. Abba has not changed, but I have, and I certainly hope it has been for the good. Each of us is on our own journey. I recognize mine, but I certainly don’t understand it, as I think most of us would say. “Give Our Lord the benefit of believing his hand is leading me”. We have come up with all kinds of ways to explain Abba, such as Divine Providence, God’s Will, etc. Perhaps I can lay all this aside and trust that my life and Abba are intricately entwined, and just go where this takes me. Not only do I not have the answers, control, safety, etc, I just don’t need them, at times don’t even want them. Interesting days. Just sayin . . .