Today’s Epiphany Gospel (Mt 2:1-12) is the story of the Magi journeying from what they knew to what they didn’t know. In the Bible the journey is a constant theme. It’s always from a place of the known to a place of the unknown. If I am open, this Story speaks to me about my journey, which especially these days is powerfully real every day. So it is with each of us. Specifics differ, but the main theme is the same: somehow we are asked to move from a place of relative safety, a place that we know and are “comfortable” with, even a most unpleasant place that we have come to know and be familiar with, to a place that is completely unknown to us. Very often it is to a place, a situation, or a relationship that we would not of ourselves choose, or perhaps don’t even want. For me, some were just plain terrible. Our faith in Abba and our awareness of being on a journey with him helps us cope wherever we find ourselves. Doors closing, doors opening. That certainly has been my experience.
Back in October 1968, while speaking at a Parma Valley Forge high School memorial service remembering young men I had encouraged to join the military, I realized that I didn’t know what I was talking about and had to go to the Army. The elapsed decision time was probably 20 minutes. When I asked the bishop he okayed my request, and I was commissioned in May 1969. At that time I was a priest for 3 years and 2 days. That 27 year off and on journey was surprise after surprise after surprise, not all of them nice. Then there is the experience of my heart attack a few years ago in my car in the parking lot of where I live. I still don’t know what all happened, other than I was given peace and insight that has never left. It’s not like following the star, more like being in the star and recognizing in its light and in a wholly new way, what has always been there, the absolute goodness of all that is, regardless of how messed up things seem to be, and a desire to help others to their own awareness of the goodness all around us.
Every one of us is on a journey from God, with God, to God. When I am aware of this it makes the whole journey easier, though definitely not easy. All through it the unexpected happens and I deal with it as best I can, just as I am. It helps to be aware of the journey, which often is clearer in retrospect than while it is happening. Yet, when I am aware that Abba is making the journey with me, things change. My experiences lead me to believe very strongly that Abba does not ‘send’ people, events, conditions, etc, to us. He brings them to us. Sending implies that Abba is “out there somewhere”, some kind of a super being who may or may not answer my prayers and give me what I want. Bringing implies that Abba is with me in whatever is going on. Abba is being itself, not a being. I am, and each of us is, because Abba shares his being with us as we are and Abba wants us to be, which says a lot. Again, as did the Magi, I get lost, confused, waylaid, and somehow I get back on track. I come to a wholly new place and have trouble wrapping my head and my feelings around whatever it is. This certainly has been my story, and I’m sure I’m not alone. Abba is well beyond rules and doctrines which are so important to us.
When I am aware of being on a journey I open myself to seeing things differently. Both the Nativity Story and the Magi Story speak of a new light which helps us see things perhaps differently. From time to time things happen that remind us of past good we have done even when we were not aware of it, or in difficult circumstances where we were not trying to do any good, only to do what felt right at the time, just trying to survive. We did not have any kind of a master plan, but Someone else obviously did. There were times when, like the Magi, I lost sight of whatever star I was following, and looked in the wrong places for what to do and where to go. Then somehow the star reappeared, and I found myself headed in totally different directions. As I look back I see Someone was walking along with me, although I did not know this back then as all this was happening. I found what I was being led to, and “departed for their (my) country by another way”, and over the years several new ways, most of which have been ways I didn’t choose. This has happened many times, as it does for all of us. I wouldn’t change a thing.
One of the thrills of being aware of my journey is constantly questioning: “Abba, what are you saying to me here?. Answers offer a form of certainty and comfort, a sense of control, trying to fit Abba into what I can know. Questioning offers insight to Abba through experience, and exposes us to the great mystery that each of us is. If I can know God in my brain, in other words understand by thinking, etc, it is not God but my own image. When I come to experience Abba happening in my life, what Jesus taught and how he presented Abba to all, leads to an ever deepening and expanding awareness of Abba that I know but cannot put into words, or fit into my brain. So I come to a deeper and more personal understanding of many of the church dogmas as they point me to Abba. The important thing is not to get caught up in defending words or definitions, but to go where they take me to experience Abba in my life. While there are variations, each of us is on our journey, and being aware of this is a unique experience.
I think the biggest revelation or experience I’ve had over the years is that I am not, and cannot ever be, in any way alone. Abba has always been there, at times cleverly disguised. I remember an eighth grade boy saying to me in a loud voice, “hey, I’m talking to you!”. We’re still friends, as are his family. Also, as the Magi had their star, there always have been in my life people as my star, reflecting Abba’s care for me, and not necessarily people that I liked. There are always people, every one of whom is of Abba, and has the right and the need to be in my life, as I do in theirs, all because of Abba. A workable phrase might be “already”, and “not yet”, always on the move. Just sayin . . .