The setting today as we hear or read the words of Scripture, still is a lot of suffering and just plain nastiness and evil. There are also many acts of courage in response to it all. In today’s Gospel Story (Matthew 5:13-16), Jesus is teaching his disciples to remain in union with him, which, to oversimplify, is pretty much how the majority report sees this passage. The minority report can be as personal as I let it.
The Alleluia Verse offers some insight as we hear the Gospel passage: “I am the light of the world, says the Lord; whoever follows me will have the light of life”. And the Psalm, “Light shines through the darkness for the upright; he is gracious and merciful and just.
Perhaps I need to remind myself that these words are about how I live with the folks who are in my life in any way. It is not a private affair between Jesus and me, as much as I might like it to be. Nor is it a matter of believing the right things and using the right words. Abba is at work in everybody’s life by the very fact that we are alive. It is worth noting that both John Paul II and Benedict said there are as many ways to Abba as there are people. We come up with creative ways to deny this and maintain that our way is the only way.
So, what does it mean to follow you? Perhaps being open to you in everything, letting go of a lot of my “stuff”. It means traveling light, not with a “shammer’s ruck (making somebody else carry some of my stuff)”, but with what you tell me to carry, my share of the load. I remember of couple of times while walking on patrol, dropping “stuff” that was just too heavy and really not needed, and a time or two of dropping the wrong stuff (thinking of extra dry socks). I need to pay attention and let you show me what is important and what is not. And over the years you have shown me, and thankfully you still are. Health events this past week involving some gibberish have been concerning, but you are in them. This past night was a difficult one, involving nitro, some anxiety, and a good chat. The discomfort and anxiety gradually went away, and you stayed. Again, thank you. The Psalm verse offers some insight to what I am called to be: “The just man is a light in darkness to the upright”. Not sure what you mean here.
You keep showing me the importance of other people in my life, usually in very challenging circumstances. People I would not have encountered were it not for the difficulties I was experiencing. You were kind enough to give me your light to see and have some sense that what was going on in my life was you. You have moved me, often kicking and screaming, to know and experience that everyone in my life at any given time is of you, whether I like them or not. Liking or not liking a person is extra “stuff” you are telling me I need to get rid of. It just takes up room and energy, my way of protecting myself from you with me in ways I don’t understand and therefore fear. Obviously there is my “need” to maintain a sense of control over what goes on in my life, and it is too heavy and takes up too much room. Letting go of it is not easy, but something I have to do. I am aware of the process happening, another word perhaps for grace, and trying to cooperate. This reflects my own need for continual and ongoing conversion.
As happens a lot since the event, I find myself thinking back to my heart attack in my car in our parking lot a few years back. I can’t put it into words, because you are beyond words. But it was very real, as you are very real, and I am still feeling and living the experience and its effects. You have given, are giving, me a tremendous gift for which I am most grateful.
Since then Fr Pedro Arrupe’s words and been an almost daily travel companion: “Nothing is more practical than finding God, than falling in Love in a quite absolute, final way . . . What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything . . . Teach me your way of looking at people”. I’m coming to learn that every person in my life has the right and the need to be in my life, as I do in theirs. In Abba’s loving providence we need each other.Living this is not always easy, but it is an act of faith that Abba is happening in and through each of us.
As with all of us, it is important to keep in mind that, wherever I am on my journey, whatever my situations, good or not so good, that I find ourselves in, I am exactly where I need to be for your Spirit to lead me to my next step. The Spirit always is with us, although sometimes easy to see and other times not so much. “I am the light of the world . . . whoever follows me will have the light of life.” Being open to the Spirit, and alert to Christ our light, are pretty much the same thing: accepting that I do not have all the answers either for myself or for others, but willing to learn and going where I am led. You keep reminding me that I can do nothing apart from you. This is becoming increasingly real, and in its own way is both comforting and challenging
The Psalm verse offers some insight to what I, along with any who want to live as disciples of Jesus in these difficult days, am called to be: “The just man is a light in darkness to the upright”. Each of us has to ask Jesus what this means in our own circumstances. For some it might be a call to action, to do something. For others perhaps not so much. We all have our limitations, which are gifts for others. The important thing is that I not set any limits on what or where I will let the Spirit lead me.
I’m not too comfortable writing this, and don’t know if I’ll publish it. It seems too personal and self-serving. I don’t know why I wrote it this morning. I had already written something else when this just popped out. Maybe wanting approval is something else you’re asking me to get rid of. Is there something else? May I be open. Just sayin . . .