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Sherri, you show a great depth of wisdom and experience. You mention people not having an intimate relationship with God, which you certainly do. You also mention “thinking (that) is way far off from what most people believe”. What you write is indeed that, but it is also your experience, and nobody can argue with it.
Jesus talks about taking up our cross and following him. Having your own experience of God can be a cross, especially when it does not square with what others expect, or when it calls us to take some sort of action or position that others don’t like. The sense of being lead can be difficult, as is the doubting. questioning, and searching that goes along with it.