Today’s First Reading is about Wisdom. While God is beyond any gender classification, Wisdom is generally seen as a feminine aspect of God. She says, “Come, eat of my food, and drink of the wine I have mixed! Forsake foolishness that you may live; advance in the way of understanding”. And in Ephesians Paul says, Watch carefully how you live, not as foolish persons but as wise, making the most of the opportunity; therefore, do not continue in ignorance, but try to understand what is the will of the Lord”. In a recent Gospel verse Gospel Verse Jesus says, “Blessed are you, Father, you have revealed to little ones the mysteries of the Kingdom” and “Let the children come to me, and do not prevent them; for the Kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these”. Foolishness, ignorance, childlike. Something for me to think about. Seems someone is calling me to my own conversion, and maybe I need to listen. And I have to be careful about trying to put my words into God’s mouth. I want it to be the other way around.
With the convolutions of this week, I feel you are saying something to me, but I don’t know what. The death of a long time Viet Nam friend and mentor this past week occasioned a flood of memories I thought were buried too deep to recall, but guess I was wrong on that. Not all of them were bad, and some of them were pretty good, like flying right seat in a Huey and handling things, doing what Hueys do. Being with wonderful folks. Great relationships. Having a real sense of purpose, mission, and responsibility that I’ve not had since. I felt I made a difference.
As I look back over the years it seems the one constant in my life has been Jesus. In 1962 Bishop Sheen spoke at the seminary and urged us to commit to a daily holy hour. I figured, why not? So I started. In the seminary it was easy to do. Thanks to grace I’ve been able to pretty much keep doing it, though at times it was more like a holy few minutes. Even in army situations. For the years he was with me, Donny (my Yellow Lab) and I made a time of prayer every morning. Over the years that has developed into a meaningful and necessary part of my every day living. An attitude of daily prayer is a wonderful experience, not always an easy one, as the way of wandering and wondering, doubting and questioning, continues. But it is exciting in its own way.
Paul says to live as the wise, not as the foolish. I wouldn’t think of myself as wise, though I’m not sure what that is. But certainly foolish, and I have the scars to show for it, times of well-meaning stupidity and ineptitude. These days it’s hard to tell what is wisdom and what is foolishness. I know I see things differently from other people. This is especially true since my heart attack in the car event. I don’t understand it, but I accept it, and at times I’m grateful for the difference. There’s more to life than rules and definitions, who’s in and who’s out etc. God’s will isn’t a script to follow, but a living, ongoing relationship we work out with our choices. What seems to change as we grow are the values we use to make our choices.
To quote the Irish poet John O’Donohue, “The path you took to get here has washed out; The way forward is still concealed from you; The old is not old enough to have died away; The new is still too young to be born.” And Cardinal Newman, “help me to spread Your fragrance everywhere I go”, something I would really like to be able to do, but that seems way beyond me and my limited capabilities.
I have the exciting sense of being on a journey, as all of us are. I see my/our journey as from God, with God, to God, often through some pretty strange places. In retrospect, a lot of these may make sense, while some don’t. One of my favorite Mass prayers goes, “Loving Father, who powerfully yet gently guides the moments of our days”. While it might be powerful, it isn’t always gentle. Again, the scars. I’m increasing aware of people hurting for any number of reasons, often because of other people. I’m especially interested in religious hurt, where people feel hurt, betrayed, or excluded for religious reasons. Thus is really true for our LGBTQ+ sisters and brothers. I want to to help these folks come to know Abba’s healing care and love, not others’ hate. Why is all this happening in my life now? Hmmm.
Jesus says the kingdom of heaven is revealed to little ones, to persons who are childlike, open to wonder and possibility. I wouldn’t think of myself as childlike, but I’d like to be for the kingdom to happen in and around me. The kingdom doesn’t happen fully without me, something we can all say. I hinder it by doing any self-centered things. Yet this, too, somehow is of the Providence of God. We have a tradition not of understanding so we can believe, but of believing so we can understand. The journey of faith leading to understanding, often in a grace-filled way.
In the Gospel Jesus says he is the bread of life, and offers us fulness of life not just later, but here and now. For me this is really real, but hard to put into words. It’s controversial to use words not officially approved. The dogmatic words are okay, but often dry, even dated. We need to let go and move where they point us. Later we realize they are not just something we have to believe, but have become descriptions of our own experience. Bread of life is a good example. Jesus offers us everything he has been for us in his life, and asks us to live that same way for others in our life. He promises us the grace to be able to do this, perhaps in fits and starts, but where and when we need it to respond to whatever is. We used to call this actual grace, and it is real.
My prayer is that I be open to Abba in the moment, always, and in everything, including, or especially, the unpleasant matters. This is not easy, and my fear is that some day I won’t be open. I want to welcome everything that comes into my life today, because I know it is from Abba. This has indeed been quite a week. Think I might have handled it okay. Thank you. Just sayin . . .