In the First Reading, the prophet Elijah, weary and worn out, just wants to have everything over. He says, “This is enough, O LORD!”, and falls asleep. He is awakened by an angel who gives him something to eat. He tries to rest again, but the angel says, ”Get up and eat, else the journey will be too long for you!” And, “He got up, ate, and drank; then strengthened by that food, he walked forty days and forty nights to the mountain of God, Horeb”.
The Scriptures can be as personal to us as we want them to be. This story of the Prophet Elijah is personal for me in that it pretty well describes what was going on in my life last year. Last May I was on vacation with a friend in Florida, something I’ve been doing every year since I retired. I felt weary and worn out and ready to stop doing a lot. One day I had chest pains and went to the ER. The cardiac surgeon told me that if he couldn’t fix the problem I had a few days at most. I was at peace with that and kind of looking forward to what was coming with a mixture of curiosity and contentment. It turns out he was able to unblock a few things. But he warned me there was a lot more going on that he couldn’t fix, and I needed to face up to it and do something, but I didn’t know what.
After I got back to Cleveland I just accepted that chest discomfort every few days, and being unable to do my usual physical things, was my new normal, and I was ok with that, thanks to the wonderful nurses at cardiac rehab. I began to wonder when and how the next step would happen. Last November I had severe chest pains in the car in the parking lot where I live. I was preparing to take a nitro pill and thinking, “so this is how it ends”. I was immediately blasted with a strong sense of, “no, this is how it begins”, and an indescribable sense of peace. I have no idea how long I sat there, but I remember “waking up”, for lack of a better term, seeing the pill in my hand and thinking I’d better take this pill, which I did. A friend took me to the ER, and things happened fast after that. While in the CICU, undergoing several procedures and meeting wonderful people, I had the distinct sense of Abba being with me telling me to rest for a while “else the journey will be too long for you”, and be ready to do what life will call me to. Again with the theme of the Elijah Story, I feel I am walking my own “forty days and forty nights to the mountain of God, Horeb”, a journey of wandering and wondering, hopefully always open to learning. While not at the depth of my car experience, the peace has never left me. What’s coming next is good, and it is always starting now. Nothing is far away in any sense. As hard as it was at the time, I wouldn’t change a thing. Still learning what it all means.
What ties everything together with meaning and depth is what Jesus says in today’s Gospel Story, “I am the living bread that came down from heaven; whoever eats this bread will live forever; and the bread that I will give is my flesh for the life of the world”. For me this is hinted at in the Elijah Story, “’Get up and eat, else the journey will be too long for you!’ He got up, ate, and drank; then strengthened by that food, he walked forty days and forty nights to the mountain of God, Horeb”. I believe what kept me going back then and what keeps me going now is Christ the Bread of Life. Eucharist is both a verb and a relationship, something we do together as we share in Christ giving us life.
Real Presence, the Bread of Life, is relationship, not a holy thing we have and others don’t. It is not something we can control or limit in any way, as we cannot control or limit Christ. We simply gather in his name and celebrate him present in to all of us in Eucharist. It is always more than what we think, and perhaps a matter of experience. The Bread of Life is an encounter with Christ giving us himself as nourishment and sharing in his life with Abba and the Spirit, inviting us to take him with us to every part of our daily living, to trust him as he goes with us to unexpected places, people, and situations. We might argue about words, definitions, and terminologies, but they often are as close as we can come to insight of our experiences. Folks who have not had the experiences see it all as confusing fabrication, and that’s okay. This can never be just about us. While we may experience it, we cannot understand it. It’s beyond our capabilities, but real nonetheless, and it is good. Whatever terms we use might help us for a while, but they are not the Reality we are coming to know, so we lay them aside and go where they point us.
Jesus says, “the bread that I will give is my flesh for the life of the world”. It is for us to live, to go where Christ moves us. It is not a matter of judging others who don’t agree with us. It is a trust that wherever we are is where we need to be, and everyone in our life has the right and need to be there, something I might start paying more attention, especially with folks I don’t understand, which is my problem, not theirs. As we live with the Bread of Life we might be jolted from time to time with new and unexpected senses of what it all means. The words point beyond themselves to a reality we have come to know but cannot put into words. We see the hurt caused to others by the gatekeepers of these words, and sense that perhaps it is up to us to help others feel welcomed and loved regardless of anything.
In the Reading from Ephesians, the Spirit calls us to “be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another as God has forgiven you in Christ”. This is what the Bread of Life leads us to — not judging others by whether or not they think as we do, but being compassionate with people trying to make sense out of a life that is difficult and confusing. There is a depth to life that is good, and as we encounter the Bread of Life ever more deeply, this too becomes a matter of experience.
Jesus says, “I will raise them up”, and not just at the last day. He is constantly raising us up to know him more deeply and profoundly here and now. It is a matter of his totally loving and accepting every one of us as we are, regardless of what others say or demand. There is nothing between us and Christ, and I cannot try to stand between others and Christ. Encountering the Bread of Life I come to know this, and so I have to keep trying to live it, whatever that may mean. Wandering and wondering, might be still a long way “to the mountain of God, Horeb”. Just sayin . . .