Today’s Gospel Story (John 20:1-9 tells us “Mary of Magdala came to the tomb early in the morning, while it was still dark, and saw the stone removed from the tomb”. The majority report sees this Story as a reminder that we are destined to experience our own resurrection after we die. Some would add that we need to obey certain rules and belong to certain traditions.
The minority report can be as personal as I allow it to be, and today it might be pretty personal.. A basic question for me is “do I let Jesus’ resurrection back then impact my everyday living here and now?”. The Resurrection Stories all have incidents of Jesus’ friends not recognizing him after the empty tomb. He was the same Jesus, only different.
Risen Lord, as I sit here trying to write something meaningful for Easter, the stone is still blocking my awareness of you. Like Mary Magdalen I’m wandering through the dark looking for you. I keep coming up to against some sort of blockage between you and me, like the stone blocking your tomb. I feel you are saying something to me in this darkness, but I don’t know what it is. How do we roll it away? I’ve been though many of these dark times, as have all of us, and somehow come through them in better shape than before. We can all say this.
I have to say that the You I know now is not the same You I knew 60 years ago when I was ordained, or the You I met in the Army and in Viet Nam, and in other difficult spots and situations. There have been many dark times and you have been with me and gotten me through all of them. Sometimes it was clear that you were with me, other times not so much. We certainly did a lot of “stuff” together. Aside from the specifics we can all say pretty much the same about our journeys with You. Why should this one be any different? You have not changed, so it must be me. Maybe, thanks to your grace, I’ve grown a bit. Maybe I have to recognize you in a new way.
One of the things I learned on the journeys is I don’t have to know what is coming. I don’t need a feeling of power or control. They are overrated and get in the way. I don’t have to be focused on my plans, on what I want. I have to be open to what is in my everyday, because it is You. Mike Tyson says, “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth”. That is for sure, and it is not comfortable.. The Center for Army Lessons Learned says the first casualty of battle is the plan. My question always has to be, “what are you saying to me in this here and now”?. So, what are you saying to me in this darkness? Maybe also, what do I want You not to say to me in this? Am I avoiding you because I subtly want to know and feel in control?
The Easter Stories show your friends fearful and doubtful because they don’t understand what has happened. In various ways you get together with them, and as you explain to them what is going on, they come to recognize you, the same Jesus, only much different. Just got this text from some friends with whom I shared this morning’s darkness: “I pray that you will find that in all of those hours Jesus is right there next to you even if you can’t see him yet”. And from an Army friend: “We are all looking for Jesus in the dark. Seems like our entire life is just that, while our God—most often through the situations we find ourselves in and the people (angels) sent to us—works hard rolling stones out of our way…even though we remain mostly unaware until later”.
Especially with the events of this past week, You are reminding me of the angels you have sent into my life over the years, both two and four-footed. And you are still doing it. A lot of them have helped me roll the stones away. This year again what gives a light to my Holy Week journey was what You said to Peter when he didn’t want You to wash his feet: “What I am doing, you do not understand now, but you will understand later”. A while back, on a very bad post Vietnam night, after Donny, my Yellow Lab, had stopped me from doing something drastic, I was trying to read John’s Gospel. I came across these same words in bright red print: “What I am doing, you do not understand now, but you will understand later”. And then I “heard” clearly in some way, “Do you trust me?”. I said “yes”. My life changed that night. The next morning I was in the hospital for some extensive surgery and the beginning of years of off and on (for what we know call) PTSD “counseling”. My healing process had begun, and it would take a while, many small steps and occasional big jumps and many angles, usually tied to some unpleasant experience or medical event. From time to time we still have that same conversation and things happen, but not to the extent of that unforgettable night. I wonder if this is what is happening now.
This morning’s writing has been pretty personal, a lot more so than I would like. But it seems this is what you are asking me to do. I hope it’s you and not me. Perhaps I can look forward to the Stories where you appeared to your friends several times and kept telling them, “Peace be with you”. Right now I believe you are with me, but I don’t know it. Must be the stone, or some other barriers I put up for self protection. In you I trust. I really do. Help my unbelief. This is not a comfortable place to be, at least it isn’t for me. Don’t know how anybody reading it will feel. I hope it is you walking point, and not me. If it’s not you, we’re in a not good place. As we used to say a long time ago in the rice patties and the jungles, as we dealt with the nasty stuff, “don’t mean nothin”. To sum this all up, in the words of Teilhard de Chardin, SJ, “Above all, trust in the slow work of God”. Just sayin . . .