Today’s Gospel Story (John 20:19-31) is Jesus coming through locked doors to see his friends. He gave them the Holy Spirit and told them to forgive sins. Thomas was not with them for the first appearance, so Jesus comes again to be with him and let him see and touch his wounds. The majority report sees this Story in several ways. For some it is the “power of the keys”, the power to forgive sins in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. For others it is a “proof” that Jesus really rose from the dead and showed himself to his followers.
As always, the minority report can be as personal as I want it to be, or not. To me it is a reminder of what Pope Benedict XVI said: “Being Christian is not the result of an ethical choice or a lofty idea, but the encounter with an event, a person, which gives life a new horizon and a decisive direction”. It brings a whole new way of seeing things, of realigning our priorities and values. It is not a matter of keeping rules, using the right terminology, believing the right things about Jesus, as important as these might be. They may point me in the direction of an encounter with Jesus when I let them. But if I hold on to them too long, they get between me and Jesus and I never get to where they are pointing me. They are like a finger pointing to the moon, and I focus my attention on the finger and never get to see the moon. So, at some point I have to let go of then and go where this takes me, always hoping to be open to the Spirit in my every day living. More wandering and wondering.
A personal encounter with Christ is real and possible if I am willing to unlock my doors, be open to, and recognize, Jesus as he is in my life. He does not force himself on me, he simply asks me to let him in. Thomas had an encounter with the Risen Jesus, and it changed him. When we have our encounter it is a changing experience. We come to see ourselves differently. We have a sense of freedom, or insight, even a courage to act that we did not know before. We become aware of a new depth and richness to every day life. We see this in Thomas after he saw and touched Jesus’ wounds. We begin to realize we are seeing things differently than before, and to know what Jesus meant when he said, “Peace be with you”. Jesus becomes a real and powerful presence in our life. While I might become aware of good things happening, I am also aware of weakness and the self-serving choices I’m still making. But now I am aware of them and can do something.
While my encounter with Jesus is personal, it is is in no way private. It has impact on everything in my life, including my relationships. I come to be aware of Jesus in the people I am with every day. While it might not be a conscious awareness with each encounter, I notice that the way I interact with others is changing. This seems to happen in retrospect, and comes to be seen primarily through the practice of the Examen. It’s a personal experience, at times uplifting, always humbling. While I might experience it, I certainly don’t understand it. Thomas was basically asking the question, “how do I know if it really is you?”. That is an ongoing question. As we live out of our encounter with Jesus we are constantly wandering and wondering. It would be nice if I had certainty, but I don’t. I just have different questions. Leaving my comfort zone is not a comfortable experience.
After Jesus appeared to his disciples the first time, they were still afraid. The next week they were again hidden behind closed doors because of their fear. Thomas asked Jesus to prove who he was by letting him see and touch his wounds. Jesus told him, “stop doubting but believe”. It’s like Jesus is telling me to look around at the people I’m afraid of getting involved with, seeing their wounds and hurts and asking “are they really you”, and he says “yes, they are really me”. Jesus breathed on the disciples and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit. Whose sins you forgive are forgiven them, and whose sins you retain are retained”. This is not limited to the Sacrament of Reconciliation. It is part of how Jesus is asking me to live every day, not judging people, but accepting them as they are, treating them with compassion and respect, even though I might not agree with them. This is no easy thing. It is a long and gradual journey of letting go and learning.
Pope Francis was leading the church to be welcoming, listening, inclusive, a place for everybody, in his words, “todos, todos, todos!”. This got him quite a few enemies. He also told us to look for the Risen Jesus in unexpected places. No one of us has a total understanding of who Jesus is, since he comes to us on our journey which for each of us is unique. There is, though, a oneness for all of us as Jesus asks us to accept him as he is in the others around us, and not expect them to conform to what we want them to be or declare them wrong because they do not live or think as we think they should. Living the Gospel has never been popular. Jesus’ disciples eventually found this out themselves. I think I am finding this out for myself., especially these days. I’m getting a little more involvement than I’d like, when I really want to be more alone and quiet. Guess I’m being asked to keep letting go.
As with all of us, my journey continues to be one of constant beginnings. The uncertainty of my future, which we all have to deal with, and its constant reminders, is taking me to some strange places, few of them bad or unpleasant. On the one hand it’s all very peace-filled, but on the other hand from time to time, not so much. Again, as with all of us, Abba is speaking to me in my every day and in everything that is going in and around me. These days this is hard to see, but it is real. I guess I’m being asked to trust and go where this takes me, and certainly not expect others to agree with me, or understand. Maybe Jesus is telling me, “stop doubting, but believe”. Doubting, wondering, and questioning, has over the years become an ever deepening journey of faith, which for me is an ongoing relationship with Abba in all that is. I really value the peace. Wouldn’t change a thing. Just sayin . . .