Today’s Gospel Story (John 20:19-31) the Risen Jesus comes through locked doors and shows himself to his disciples twice. Thomas was not there for the first appearance, and he “doubts” what the others tell him. Jesus appears again, and this time Thomas sees and believes. The majority report sees this as another story of the Risen Jesus showing himself to his disciples, and perhaps begins what we refer to as the Sacrament of reconciliation. As usual, the minority report can be quite different, to a great extent depending on what is going on in our life when we hear or read it, perhaps even very specific to things in our life today.
A time honored way of praying the Gospels is to put ourselves in the person of someone in a given Story, perhaps in the Story to see ourselves as one of the fearful disciples hiding behind closed doors because they were afraid. Jesus, whom they had spent years following, had been ignominiously killed, and they feared they might be next, so they tried to protect themselves and hid behind closed doors. For many of us throughout the world a predominant feeling is fear, due to the evil and nastiness happening throughout the world today. In a sense we are behind locked doors because we are afraid. We face our fears by blaming other people, pretty useless. Pope Leo is asking all of us to join him today in a holy hour for peace. In terms of the Story, he is trying to open our locked doors so we can be ready for the Risen Lord to somehow come to all of us and each of us. He keeps repeating Jesus’ words, “Peace be with you”, that he has been saying since the very beginning beginning of his pontificate.
When Thomas hears the story of Jesus’ appearance to the disciples, he doubts, and lays down conditions for his believing: “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands and put my finger into the nailmarks and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.” He gets a bad rap for this. But maybe he just wants to see Jesus happening in his own life, something each of us in our own way wants. Father Arrupe, SJ, says: “Teach me your way of looking at people: as you glanced at Peter after his denial, as you penetrated the heart of the rich young man and the hearts of your disciples . . . I would like to meet you as you really are, since your image changes those with whom you come into contact”. This happened to Thomas in the Story. He was changed though encountering the Risen Jesus. Who are you in my life? Who do I want you to be? Are these the same or different? What are you saying to me here? “Teach me your way so that it becomes my way today.” Faith deepens as I respond to your grace through my locked doors.
Jesus says, “As the Father has sent me, so I send you”. If I see myself as one of the disciples, can I ask who Abba is sending me to? Who is he sending to me? Can I see my life beyond my fears and my desire for comfort and convenience, definitely control, maybe even safety?
Jesus goes on to say, “Receive the Holy Spirit. Whose sins you forgive are forgiven them, and whose sins you retain are retained”. This is not limited to the Sacrament of Reconciliation, Confession. Forgiveness has to be part of my everyday living, an attitude that touches everything I do, all my relationships. Sometimes this is really difficult for me but it is a call I have to respond to. I need to forgive myself for the dumb, maybe even evil, things I have done. Then I need to forgive so many others because they were/are not who I want them to be. World wide we see what happens when people and nations refuse to forgive others and instead make demands which they will enforce by violence. From my own experience I know the harm I can do to others when my main focus is fear. When I’m like that I am not even aware of the pain I am causing others. “I would like to meet you as you really are, since your image changes those with whom you come into contact”. When I am open to it, the Spirit leads me beyond my fear to live Jesus’ other words in this Story, to let myself be sent to others, to receive others being sent to me, to forgive without asking for anything beyond grace.
Doubting is an important, maybe even necessary, way of deepening my faith. The Spirit guides me as I question what everything means, how Abba is speaking to me. Every answer leads to more questioning. Faith is not believing “about“, but believing “in”, Jesus to an extent that has an real impact on my everyday living, on everything I do. Sometimes this is taking a real chance and letting myself be led beyond my comfort zone. It is also something I cannot expect others, well meaning as they might be, to agree with, even to understand.
Teilhard de Chardin, SJ: “Lord, by every innate impulse and through all the hazards of my life, I have been driven ceaselessly to search for you and to set you in the heart of the universe of matter.“ Difficult to know but possible trustingly to believe, in the nastiness and evil happening all around us, Abba is with us in everything and in all of this, loving every one of us equally and uniquely, suffering with all who suffer, raising up people to accomplish good in the midst of evil, coming through locked doors and overcoming our fears, perhaps asking our help to accomplish his good. Each of us is where we need to be for Abba to touch us. Jesus came among us as a living example of Abba’s love for all. Jesus ask any who would be his followers, me, to be the same. And yet, when we try to live as our faith moves us in the world of today this can be met with rage and violence. As an Episcopal Bishop said a few months ago, “when we put on those garments of our Christian faith, they are not always welcomed in this society. Those virtues and those postures in this world can be met with rage and even violence.“ This we can see is true.
When I am open to Jesus coming through my locked doors, I have no idea where he will be asking me to go, or what he will be asking me to do. But he is telling me, “peace be with you, do not be afraid, it is I”. So let’s go, together. Just sayin . . .