Today’s Gospel Story (Luke 18:9-14) is the Parable of the Pharisee and the Publican. The Pharisee pats himself on the back for being, in his mind, the best and the holiest. The Publican (tax collector) stays back and asks for mercy. Jesus says the Publican is on the right track. The majority report sees this as a reminder to see ourselves as we are, sinners, and reminds us not to get proudly focused on the religious rules we keep. We might find ourselves thinking we can judge others who do not live as we do. And it is easy for us to think of others whom “we know” are Pharisees. But the parable is for us to look at ourselves, not at others, and certainly not to judge or condemn anyone.
As always, the minority report is as personal as I let it be. So, if I may digress a bit. Like everybody else, I’m processing these readings through the filter of what is going on in my life as I hear or read them. What is going on in my life these days is profoundly personal. Recently I’ve been having the privilege of talking with other people about something we have in common – serious heart conditions that our various doctors have told us there is nothing more that can be done. It’s one thing to be involved with the death of someone else, but when it comes to our own death it is totally different. As much as we want to be of good around someone else’s death, and independent of how close we are to the person who is dying, the situation is in a sense theoretical. But when it comes to our own death it is purely practical and profoundly personal. This seems to be something we have to learn for ourselves, through our own experience. I didn’t I didn’t pay much attention to this until it began to happen to me. Kind of a shock.
Our cardiac situation is a big part of our life these days, and a filter through which we are processing life. The frequent, even daily, physical reminders, pain, discomfort, diminishing abilities, etc, demand our attention. It’s not easy to ignore these because they are physically uncomfortable, and at times painful. We reach the point where this is how we live our days. There is a lot we can’t put into words, but we recognize it in others, which is a help. None of this is limited to heart conditions. Each of us is on our own journey from Abba, with Abba, to Abba, guided by the Spirit, and we each have our own baggage to deal with. And Abba is with all of us and each of us, often working through us as we support each other. When we are coming to face our own situation, the words of today’s Gospel Story take on a profoundly personal meaning: “O God, be merciful to me a sinner”. We’re in a safe and good place.
In the words of Fr Pedro Arrupe, SJ, (Survivor of Hiroshima, and for a time Superior General of the Jesuits (1965-1983) after he had suffered a debilitating stroke: “More than ever I find myself in the hands of God; This is what I have wanted all my life from my youth; But now there is a difference; the initiative is entirely with God; It is indeed a profound spiritual experience to know and feel myself so totally in God’s hands”. We find ourselves coming to know Abba in deeply personal ways, loving us very much just as we are. This experience, and it is an experience — not a matter of thinking or logic, definitions, dogmas or words — leads us to see our every day in a new light where everything is of Abba. Again Fr Arrupe: “Grant me, O Lord, to see everything now with new eyes, to discern and test the spirits that help me read the signs of the times, to relish the things that are yours, and to communicate them to others. Give me the clarity of understanding that you gave Ignatius . . . On those of my age I urge openness: let us learn what must be done now, and do it with a will”. We try to read the signs of the times in our own life, with greater or lesser success, and perhaps some disturbance. The Spirit is with us as we do this, often without any religious terms or orientation, but definitely with growth and acceptance. The spirit of the Welcoming Prayer is a great help for me as I continue on my journey. I believe I am in Abba’s hands, and the initiative is entirely his. This awareness is stark, so I ask to let go of my desire to know the when, where, how.
There is a lot to think about here, especially during the dark days which happen, at times with serious physical discomfort and accompanying feelings. It’s like we are trying to accept a personal invitation from Abba, from Jesus, and are being guided by the Spirit. And so our awareness of Trinity is moving us to a new depth, which probably we can’t really name, but we know. We’re learning that asking Abba to be merciful is a safe space for us and for all. We may even find ourselves being grateful for our situation as it helps us refocus how we see the world and what is going on around us, perhaps coming to a new awareness of what we are asked to do with our new gift of limitedness and weakness. We are learning that when we talk about our situation it makes others feel uncomfortable. I remember reacting like that myself. Now at the other end of the conversation, I understand this better, and just accept it.
Now, for everybody who is hearing the Parable. “Abba, have mercy on me, a sinner.” The Parable reminds us Abba knows each of us as we are, loves us as we are, and nothing can change this. We are not “sinners in the hands of an angry god”. Abba loves us in our creaturehood, with all our faults and failings, our foibles. We’re not so much asking Abba for mercy, as we are asking for help to recognize and accept Abba’s mercy already happening in and around us, even through us, here and now. Abba loves us more than we love ourselves. He is continually creating us as we are, and so many of us have no idea of this. The suffering and evil in the world show this clearly. Many people hurt so bad that the only way they can deal with their pain is to inflict it on others. We see this in the increasing acts of violence, local and far away, as well as the petty acts that happen all around us, perhaps because of us. This is not a time to blame, but to look inward to ourselves. It is easier to blame than to accept personal responsibility, which we’re very good at dodging. Abba invites each of us to grow, and whether or not we do this is fully up to us. So much goodness is happening without religious reference or terminology, and a lot of good will. As they come from the loving creative Abba, people are good. May we recognize and live our goodness. Just sayin . . .