In today’s Gospel Story for the feast of Pentecost (John 20:19-23) Jesus’ disciples had locked themselves in a room together because they were afraid of what the people might do to them. Jesus came through the locked doors, and the first thing he said to them was “peace be with you”. The majority report sees this Story and the one from Acts (Acts 2:1-11) as being the birthday of the church. The minority report, at least from my perspective, might see a lot differently, but for me, and perhaps others, it is quite different and very real.
I think in my life I’ve experienced enough fear in its many forms to be able to have some thoughts about it. Fear is always about what might happen. The Spirit is always about what is happening. The mutual exclusion of these things can be pretty strong. It’s like they can’t stand each other. I remember vividly the times I was afraid in Vietnam, which was most of the time in varying degrees, and also the times when what I was fearing actually did happen, and often worse than what I had feared. I carried the residue of that fear for many years, and its chief impact in my every day life was the anger, the lens through which I saw everything. Not a nice way to live.
The disciples locked themselves in a room to protect themselves from others. Having to protect myself by keeping my defense shields up day after day, even year after year, has been a terrible experience and an awful way to live. But a lot of us didi it, and still do. Gradually, over time, with counseling and other interventions, I’ve been able to let go of a lot of it. Not all, of it, but a lot of it. So many times Jesus came through my locked doors and said “peace be with you”. My usual response was along the lines of “okay, but on my terms”. Of course that didn’t work. Eventually Jesus and the Spirit won, but it was a long fight that in some ways is still going on. But, I wouldn’t change a thing.
Jesus says, “Receive the Holy Spirit. Whose sins you forgive are forgiven them, and whose sins you retain are retained.” Pope Leo this week said that following Jesus is not a personal private affair between us and Jesus, but involves everybody in our life and beyond. Jesus tells his apostles to learn to forgive others, so forgiveness has to be part of my way of life. I have a responsibility to everybody in my life to be open to the Spirit and go where she leads me. There can be no room for fear. But how to help folks whose family and relationships are being destroy by political differences? No idea. But this is our reality, so Abba is in there somewhere. Am I locking doors? Probably.
We are surrounded by anger, often rage, on all sides. We have come up with some creative ways to portray people we fear as “other” and make them less than us, so we can tolerate their abuse and punishment. Anger is a consequence of fear. The fear these days is almost universal. Every day we see families torn apart by various government practices and policies. The increasing violence, for whatever reason, is worldwide and also local. Innocent people everywhere are hurting and suffering, even in our own country. There are many who claim the gospel is ok for church but not for “real life”.
But also every day, if we are open to it, we can see Jesus breaking though fears and inviting us to accept the peace he offers us. This is no pollyannaish thing. It is a real offer from Abba to work together in taking down the walls that our collective fear has built and is still building. How we work this out depends on our willingness to trust in prayer and go where it takes us. In Acts the apostles experience the Spirit “in tongues as of fire, which parted and came to rest on each one of them. And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in different tongues, as the Spirit enabled them to proclaim”. The Spirit still fills us with wisdom and courage if we let Her.
Pentecost reminds us that the basis of our faith is not dogmas and laws, but as Pope Leo said this week, “a personal encounter with the person Jesus Christ, and have we forgotten this truth and presented Christian life mostly as a set of rules to be kept, replacing the marvelous experience of encountering Jesus – God who gives himself to us – with a moralistic, burdensome and unappealing religion that, in some ways, is impossible to live in concrete daily life”. Many folks are afraid of having a personal encounter with Jesus because they are also afraid of what he might ask of them. It is easier to keep him at a distance and pray to him, rather than spend time in prayer with him. I don’t like it when people tell me who I am and how I have to act, so maybe I shouldn’t be telling Jesus who he is, how I expect him to act, and instead just accept him as he is in my life. This might take a while.
I think I’ve learned from my (mis)adventures that Jesus and the Spirit are trustworthy in a very practical sense. Our collective fear, which manifests in anger and finger-pointing, is like the closed doors in the Story. These days it is clear that Jesus is still coming through many closed doors and sending the Spirit upon people who are responding eagerly, and are ready to pay the price for what they do, which is also happening. But people keep coming forward. It is sad that families and relationships are being broken up by the current nastiness. It is worth remembering that each of us is exactly where we need to be for Abba to happen in and through us. My biggest help is the Welcoming Prayer: “Abba with your grace I welcome everything that is coming into my life today because it is of you”. It seems ongoing forgiveness is a basis of life in the Spirit. My I learn to have compassion and forgive myself for the things I have done that have caused pain to others and even to myself. May I come to have compassion and forgive others who have hurt me or who have not been as I want them to be. May I come to accept persons and situations as they are, not get upset because they are not what I want them to be. In everything that happens may I be open and ask what Abba is saying to me, or asking me to do or be. May I ask the trust and courage to open the doors I have locked to protect myself from whatever might be coming, and instead to be open to the spirit who is with me and in me in my here and now. Guess my own identity needs to be stretched open some more. Just sayin . . .