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Today’s Gospel Story (Mk 12:38-44) is what is known as the Widow’s Mite: “Amen, I say to you, this poor widow put in more than all the other contributors to the treasury. For they have all contributed from their surplus wealth, but she, from her poverty, has contributed all she had, her whole livelihood.” It speaks on so many levels. I process the Story through what is going on in my life when I hear it, and there’s a lot going on, locally, nationally, world wide. Also, this is the weekend of Veterans’ Day, which has its own mindset. The one constant in all this is Abba who is with us in it all.  

Often we hear in the Gospel, “Jesus said to the crowds”. When Jesus is speaking, he expects people, including me, to listen. And so it is with this Story. As he teaches he is leading me to listen, think about what is going on around me, maybe change my way of thinking, and go where it takes me. When I am open to the possibility, and willing to take chances, I often find myself led to completely unexpected places, situations, and relationships. Not all are pleasant, but all are necessary, and good has always happened.

Gospel Stories change my way of thinking, if I let them. I have power here in the sense that I can choose to be led, or fight to stay where I am with the illusion of safety and comfort. As an old soldier I should know that this is an illusion, that situations are always fluid, and just keep moving where I’m led. From time to time I’ve ended up in some kind of “place” I would not have chosen. During my time in the Army often it was a real geographical place. Now days, not so much. It usually involves a relationship of some sort, an unexpected experience or a decision. But it is real. I’ve learned not to analyze too much, because that means I’m trying to fit something to what I already know or am familiar with. I try simply to accept what is and go where it takes me. And this has taken me to amazing “places”. It’s not about knowing answers, but about questioning and being open to the questions. Every answer leads to more questions. The Spirit is at work in my here and now. What is She saying? More wandering, wondering, questioning.

At times it has happened that I had to let go of a lot, and it was really difficult. In a way, like the widow who gave from her poverty, from all she had. Something like freely giving up my need to know and feel in control. The terror just went away, and I accepted to do what I had to do, and moved in a whole new direction. Not all of them were nice directions. I’ve often spent a lot of time and energy trying to figure out what will happen next and how it will happen, to explain the past. But my now is the only reality for me to live in and grow, to let go of a lot. Now is where the Spirit is speaking.

“Never take counsel of your fears.” This phrase is attributed to GEN (later President) Andrew Jackson of the Battle of New Orleans. It means do not let fear and uncertainty govern my decisions, something I’ve been doing a lot of lately. I think too much about how a situation will affect me, and not enough about what good I can bring to it, especially when I have been asked and did not volunteer. It can never be about me, only about living Abba’s loving care with the grace of the present moment. The Gospel Story reminds me not to be proud of the way I am handling my life lately, but like the widow in the Story, to give from all that I have, and trust that it is all of Abba. Trying to control things is overrated and counterproductive, as is knowing ahead of time how things are going to play out. It’s amazing how peaceful, and yet difficult, letting go of all this really is. 

“She, from her poverty, has contributed all she had, her whole livelihood.” Widows have always had a special place in the Scriptures. My mother was a widow for 35 years, and was amazing, And, of course, there was Mary. Abba watches over widows always, often through other people. My role is to bring Abba’s loving comfort and support to them, not expect them to comfort me. I have a lot to learn here, and I hope I’m open to it, because I have not done well. I thank those who are teaching me, and hope I can learn.

With all that is going on these days, the unsettling surprises, the rising fears, the constant reminders something is amiss, I think I’m being asked to trust and keep going, to give from my poverty, not to act like I have all the answers, just different questions. I have my own issues, and can’t pretend that I don’t. They are a part of me these days. The Spirit is speaking through them, so I need to practice what I preach, be open and willing to learn, maybe change, and never “take counsel of my fears”. I don’t need to be in control just follow orders, know and follow the “Commander’s Intent”, which no doubt is to live Abba’s loving care for everybody I meet. My prayer has been “I welcome everything that is coming into my life today because it is of Abba”. I think I’m being asked really to live this with wonder and openness, confidence, no conditions at all, and go where it takes me, to practice what I preach.  

My current situation is a marvelous gift I hope I’m learning to appreciate, maybe kicking and screaming, a chance to look where I’m going, re-evaluate my goals and priorities, to “fall back, adjust fire, and re-engage”. It’s a time to be aware of what is going on in and around me, of God being a verb and happening powerfully and profoundly, asking me to work with “Him” from my poverty, and not my pretended riches, to give what I have and leave the rest to grace. It is not a time for fear, but a growing opportunity to be open, to trust, keep “taking chances” and go where it takes me. While a part of me, it can’t be about me. All of this is Abba happening. Wouldn’t change a thing. Guess I’m a slow learner. Just sayin . . .