Especially as things are unfolding these days it’s becoming increasingly obvious that what I believe does not connect or relate to the “real world”. Yet, it’s clear to me that in some way Abba is with us in this mess, loving the persons who are hurting and suffering, as well as those who are causing the hurting and suffering. People often say that it was through “divine intervention” that some person or other did not get killed or seriously injured, even though others were injured or killed. Doesn’t the “divine” that intervened care as much about them and their families? Does the “divine” play favorites? This begs the question of how do we get to be one of the “divine’s” favorites. If there are favorites, every single one of us on all sides of any question are the favorites. Abba is in every one of us, but most of us have no idea this is who we are or who Abba is. We want to maintain some semblance of control so we can feel safe, and so we project our fear and blame others who disagree with us. We co-opt the Divine for our own purposes.
In the Gospel this coming Sunday, we hear “his heart was moved with pity for them, for they were like sheep without a shepherd, and he began to teach them many things”. I wonder if this is how Christ sees us now, lost and wandering, like sheep without a shepherd. Many of us expect him to be on our side whatever the question, and to be against those on the other side. This enables us to feel superior, point fingers and blame others, while never accepting blame ourselves. We create a god in our own image who agrees with us on everything and doesn’t like the people we don’t like. We have a long and bloody history of thinking this way. Is this where we’re headed again?
I believe we are in God and God is in us. Many of us have no idea of this, and so we reject it outright, often angrily. We have decided how other people are, people being created by the same God who is creating us. We claim God is on our side. A worthwhile question then is, “which god, the God of Jesus, or the god of us?”.
I have to keep asking, “Abba, what are you saying to me in all this?”. I don’t know how to ask what you are saying to others. I have many more questions than answers. Sometimes I feel like sheep without a shepherd, and these days might be one of those times. I know enough violence first hand that I strongly fear it happening again, though it looks like this is where we are heading. Selfishly, I’m glad I’m playing the back nine. Realistically, I wonder if Abba, Jesus, Spirit, is saying something to me in this and in my feelings and experiences. Is there something I need to be doing? There is nothing glamorous about committing violence, although there is something exhilarating about surviving it. Experiencing violence up close and personal changes a person, and not always for the better.
I remember military training 50+ years ago that treated the enemy, whoever they were at the time, as something less than us, which made it ok to wreak havoc upon them, which we did. For many, with or without military experience, this is their mindset too — those who don’t think the way I think are wrong and therefore less than me, so I can vilify them as I choose. I admit I thought along those lines too. As I recall, that was not a nice place to be. Easier to project my hurt and anger on others than to face it myself and ask for healing. I did both.
So this is where we are, where I am, in these increasingly violent days. Abba, what are you saying to me? Can I take the time and listen, or will I just keep talking about it. I can easily theorize because I am not in a position where I’d be involved in anything. There are advantages to being on the “old”side of the journey. Any thoughts I express are going to annoy somebody. I can’t count the times I’ve been told, “that gospel stuff is okay for church, but don’t tell us how to live”, “stick to preaching the Gospel and stay out of politics”. Of course any time the Gospel says something people don’t like, it’s politics. I’m not telling anybody how to live, I’m just trying to learn how I’m called to live.
I believe Abba is in all the stuff happening these days, not causing it, but helping us as we try to deal with in in a way that reflects Abba’s love for every one of us on all sides of issues. In today’s Gospel Jesus says, “Do not think that I have come to bring peace upon the earth, I have come to bring not peace but the sword”. His word was so striking and different from how people thought back then that those who accepted his word and moved to follow him were objects of anger and violence for those who would not accept it. Maybe a bit like today. Asking questions and working for peace is not looked upon favorably by those who still want to point and blame. It’s easier, and safer, to blame others than to look at myself, put myself in their place, and maybe ask why I feel such a need to blame.
So, I have to ask, is there anything in my outlook or lifestyle that encourages violence of any kind? Do I do anything that makes anyone feel diminished? Am I willing to accept that I might not be as right as I feel I am or would like to be? Am I ignoring people who make feel uncomfortable? Does my being right really matter that much? Can I learn to be kind? Is “righteous anger” really all that important? Does blaming others make me feel better about myself? Can I move n the direction of seeing Abba in people I disagree with or don’t like? Do I want to? Am I contributing to the problem or to its solution. Just wondering . . .